Member-only story
We Need To Change the Definition of Virginity
I’m not sure if I’m a virgin.
I know how that sounds — most people you meet can tell you how they lost their virginity as quickly as they can tell you the plot of their favorite TV show or who won the football game last night.
I can’t count how many times I’ve listened to my friends recount the loss of their virginity — how awkward they felt, where it happened, and who they did it with. Virginity stories are like snowflakes — none of them are the same. I have a friend who lost it to the high school boyfriend she thought she’d be with forever, a friend who lost it on her wedding night, and even a friend who lost it in the back of a pickup truck in near-freezing conditions.
The experiences are different, but there is one similarity: all of these virginity stories are about heterosexual sex.
When it comes time to share my story, I’m not sure what to say. I’ve never “lost it” in the back of anyone’s pick-up truck or had a magical wedding night.
As a bisexual woman who has primarily dated other women, I’ve never had heterosexual sex — and to most people, that would make me a virgin. Yet calling myself a virgin leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
